V.A. Visit;

Went into the Veterans Hospital the other day, the Nurse was really Help Full; The Shrink, not nearly so; She deigned to give me an appointment in Feb. 2020, as if I could put my Depression on “Hold” until then, when I needed HELP right NOW!………………….. ~~~~~What is it with these supposed “Expert’s” All of them so far have refused to “Listen”, the only Solace they offered was “More Pills”, As if pills could cure “Loneliness & Heartbreak” Or PTSD……I find that one has to go it Alone, cannot depend on any-one else……So here I sit in Solitary Confinement, My Life Mate just Passed away, A Deaf Man, sitting here typing out Words…… ~~~~~I find it Matter’s to no-one but myself, and that is who I fall back on, My-self! ~~~~~The Sun still shines for me, the Day is there, & then the Night, & the Moon appears…..I try to remember to thank the Great Spirit, that my old Heart is still Beating on……My fingers still work, I can type out this work of ART……And this is what it is; A lament, a regret for all the things I have left undone that I could have done Better! ~~~~~Like, when a Friend asked for Help, and I did not hear their Plea? ~~~~~So; my sentence here is Solitary Confinement, until the Power’s that be decide to let me out, to send in some Help! ~~~~~Call me on the Telephone,tell me you Love me, but I cannot hear YOU, because I am Deaf to boot……& I do not know the Sign Language yet…..I have the” Wish for Kings” (Lewis H. Lapham) My home is collapsing around me of Old Age, the foundation, never sound to begin with, I am waiting, waiting, waiting, on my Lady’s children’s to make their decisions as to my fate…..Time will tell……………..

7 thoughts on “V.A. Visit;

  1. I’m sorry you are in a dark place. But recall that it is a place and therefore subject to placement – you can move out of it. It takes a strong will and determination to shift the circumstances of the mind – but these feelings they are clouds above them the blue sky always shines. I hope things improve for you soon.

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  2. I was with the Spanish Legion(infantry).Yes don’t laugh, we Spaniards did go and do go to Irak(maybe not Irak now who knows really), Afghanistan and other places on a combat role not as NGO´s as the government wants the people to think we are, I only know the first two and Afghanishait we weren’t even acknowledge by the government that my unit was in precious Qalainau 2005(probably spelled that wrong), so there was zero communications back to home. Here in Spain we don’t have a VA system, although I do know it´s pretty screwed up over there. I went through my struggles and probably seen less than a quarter of combat of what Americans do, they do have the man power and the cool guns so they do take the brunt of the fight, we are like the reserve unit that passes by later on to stabilize things, encounter some firefights here and there still screwed up but not as much as the Americans.
    Hopefully this writing community is of some help to you, it is for me. Before and still am struggling to not take my prescription which is gallons and gallons of alcohol. I feel calmer when I take it, quite weird. I´m more hyper and more aggressive in moments when I don’t take the alcohol. Even writing about it to a stranger is therapeutic…go figure.
    Long comment I made, I don’t know what your branch of service was or which war, maybe Vietnam I don’t know nor I expect for you to tell me, not my business. But maybe writing about it in your blog helps. Writing for me that is, is quite therapeutical.

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    1. I would like to cheer you up^ Brother, I am a Vietnam Vet with PTSD, I drink a LOT of Booze, gallons of Vodka, and whatever else I can find, sometimes I go 35 + days without a bite of food, my shit turns to pure water that pours out of me……My good neighbors keep me alive with gifts of Soup, and Hugs……I have been through the wringer and then some more, as my Love/Lady just died on me, and I am DEAF, so no phone calls, just this net, which I am a novice at…..You are not Alone, Brother…….

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      1. Damn, I remember I worked when I was in highschool with Vietnam Vets, and later in my early life as of 19 I become a veteran. Something good though might have stuck with me, hard to find the good, maybe it was the bravery or something I can´t put it into words but something made me go into the best fighting Spanish unit….crazy me 19, but everything you said, and so specifically, unfortunatelly happens to me, but I have to get my shit ( no punt intended) straight

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  3. Peacetime Army Vet. All of our medical systems are frayed, mental healthcare particularly so. We do have to rely on ourselves because the medical industry is in the business of pushing drugs, not healing and cure.

    I, too, have PTSD, though the symptoms have lessened greatly. My PTSD was civilian acquired. I went to counseling for a year, refused drugs. They really don’t want to talk to you, just fill you full of pills. To prove to me how useless my treatment was, they lost all of the records so that when I tried to get disability, I was judged not disabled enough to receive benefits.

    We do have to rely on ourselves, but we must also form networks about ourselves. No one is an island. Any number of us are definitely here for you and it is good that you express, tell us what’s up with you so we can respond. Many of us need an invitation to help because we don’t want to intrude, so just keep talking. We will do our best to hold you up.

    Hang tight.

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